You’re sitting in a lecture and would like to ask a question, but you can’t bring yourself to say a single word. You’re not sure exactly what you’re afraid of. Other times, you’re relaxing while watching a movie and telling yourself that tomorrow you’ll start exercising regularly. The next day, a book wins out over exercise; the day after that, you feel tired again. You’re in a foreign city and need to get to the train station quickly. Instead of communicating with gestures, you spend an eternity loading the map on your phone and waste precious time.
Do any of these scenarios sound familiar? They certainly do, because these are typical examples of a reluctance to step out of your comfort zone. After all, it feels unusually safe there. We might feel miserable afterward, or experience the stress of rushing to catch a train, but the moment we’re supposed to take action, comfort and certainty win out. The certainty that “if I do nothing, I won’t mess anything up either”.
The pitfall of staying in the comfort zone, however, is that it doesn’t help a person grow in any way. On the contrary, it causes stagnation, which has a negative effect on the entire body. Using the same patterns of thought and behavior has a very detrimental effect on the brain, which, on the other hand, craves new experiences and ways of thinking. When we live in the comfort of our comfort zone for a long time, the circle in which we so passively remain gradually tightens. After some time, we may find that actions that were once easy can now trigger fear and anxiety in us. This can only be prevented by consciously expanding our comfort zone again.
There are many guides on how to step out of your comfort zone from time to time and venture a little into the unknown. In this article, we’ll mention advice from Mandie Holgate, a renowned British coach whose motivational books have even been translated into Czech. Some of her tips are easier to follow, while others require a more long-term approach, but they’re definitely worth trying out for yourself. Let’s get started:
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Don’t be afraid to be different. People often feel that their differences make others dislike them. But let’s be honest, what does it mean to “be normal”? What does such a person look like? And can such a person bring something interesting into your life? There’s simply nothing wrong with being a bit of an oddball, as long as you’re not having a negative impact on those around you. When you feel free, you’re much more likely to step outside your comfort zone than when you’re trying to fit into “normal” boxes that will sooner or later start to limit you.
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Listen to your inner voice. It’s important to stay in touch with your instincts, which (often for social reasons) we don’t give the attention they deserve. The undeniable advantage is that you know yourself best, which is why your inner voice is tailored just for you. But watch out for that all-too-familiar kind of inner monologue that whispers negative phrases like: “You can’t do this; you know how it always ends… Nobody cares about you—what are you trying to do here again?” A merciless inner critic can crush your self-confidence to smithereens. That’s why it’s extremely important to be able to distinguish when the positive, inspiring voice is “at the helm” and when, on the contrary, it’s the destructive one.
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Listen to those around you. Here, too, it’s important to choose wisely the people we surround ourselves with. Whether they’re those who believe in us, or those who, by instilling fear, encourage us to stay in our comfort zone. The positive group typically asks questions like:
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“What do you think about that? Do you think it’s a good idea?”
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“Where does your desire to do XY come from?”
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“You can do it. Remember how well you did last time.”
In contrast, the following comments are more characteristic of the group of so-called “deterrers”:
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“That sounds like a lot of hard work.”
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“Do you really want to go through with this?”
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“Why would you want a change? I thought you were happy the way things are.”
These aren’t exactly the notorious vampires you’d immediately recognize and steer clear of. Deterrents chip away at your courage in a much more subtle way. Often, they aren’t even aware of their impact. In any case, they don’t view your problem from the same perspective and don’t take your personal interests and goals into account.
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Go deeper. Holgate goes on to advise how to gain a deeper understanding of what goes on inside us when it comes to stepping outside our comfort zone. According to her, it’s essential to ask yourself a few questions and answer them honestly. You’ll then understand your behavior much more clearly, be able to predict your future behavior to a large extent, and be better able to work on your self-development. The process is as follows:
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Imagine in detail a situation in which you often find yourself torn between staying in your comfort zone and leaving it. This could involve, for example, speaking in public or expressing a critical opinion at work or within your family.
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Next, answer these questions: How does this situation affect me? What does it mean to me? Do I really think that? If so, what should I believe? Do I benefit from this in any way? And what does it mean to me?
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You can also ask yourself any other questions that will lead you to a deeper understanding of your inner motivations and self-imposed barriers.
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Be your own coach. There’s no need to wait for an expert to help you overcome your fear of leaving your comfort zone. Be your own expert. You can use the technique of free writing, where you jot down your own thoughts on a blank piece of paper. Ideally, do this every day at around the same time. If you break free from the control of your “inner censor,” you may come up with interesting ideas and new questions that you can explore further. If you don’t like writing, you can express your feelings in other ways, such as through drawing or dancing.
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Share your efforts. It can motivate you to share your new approach to challenges with someone close to you. Do shared goals work for you? Go for it. However, if you’re an introvert, this might not be for you, and sharing could end up having the opposite effect of your efforts.
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Adapt your actions to your personality. Are you the type who leaves your comfort zone cautiously, taking only small steps at a time? Or, on the contrary, do you tend to overreach and suddenly find yourself so far outside your comfort zone that you can’t even see its boundaries anymore? Neither approach to exploring your own potential is wrong. But it’s good to know what type you are and what feels most natural to you.
As with any effort to improve, it’s important to remember that the most important thing is to take that first step. The journey is long and difficult, but even a small step forward can be a great motivation to continue exploring the world beyond your comfort zone, where plenty of adventure and joy await you.
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