In previous article, we wrote about a personality theory called the Five-Factor Model of Personality. It was long believed that personality cannot be changed. It wasn’t until a study from 2013 showed that this is not true. Eight thousand Australians participated in the study, filling out a questionnaire that mapped their personality traits. Four years later, they answered the same questions again. The researchers were convinced that the traits would remain the same, but contrary to expectations, they had changed. And they changed enough to affect their overall satisfaction with their current lives.
Five key factors for changing personality traits:
Although personality change is possible, it certainly cannot be said to be simple. It takes more than just determination and perseverance; it also requires a clear vision and imagination. If you, too, long for change, it is important to first realize which factors are crucial for a successful process.
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Belief in change. Belief in achieving your goal is one of the most important prerequisites for lasting change. Consider, for example, the well-known placebo effect. But it also works the other way around—if you’re convinced that you won’t succeed in changing, then that’s likely how it will turn out.
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Strong Will. You’ll need to realize that this is your battle, and you must have a strong desire to change. No one else can want this for you.
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Perseverance. This will be a long-distance race, and you may need to devote at least a little time to it every day.
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Vision. To keep your motivation for change from waning, you should be able to imagine what your life will look like once you’ve reached your goal. Your new behavior might surprise some people, but you’ll still be you.
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Determination. You’ll face obstacles, and you’ll often “scrape your knee” when you fall. Sometimes you’ll feel like giving up on everything. That’s natural. After all, this is a major change—but it’s worth it.
How to Change Your Personality Traits Step by Step:
And now we come to the actual process of changing personality traits. It’s important to take each step seriously and not skip any of them. You may need more time for some of them, so give yourself that time.
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Identify the specific trait you want to change and clearly name it. At the same time, specifically define what kind of change you want to strive for. The more precisely and unambiguously you define this point, the easier the next steps will be.
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Become aware of all your feelings—both positive and negative—that arise when you think about the change. Be honest with yourself and admit any doubts and fears without shame. Then, create a plan to eliminate this negativity. The greater the proportion of positive feelings you retain, the greater your chance of success will be.
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Visualize clearly and often what you’ll be like after achieving the change. These can be any situations or images—there are no limits to your imagination. This is a very important step that you shouldn’t overlook. By doing so, you can program your mind, making your goal easier to achieve. Moreover, these visualizations can trigger emotions you never even knew you had. This might take you back to step 2, but you’ll certainly realize that this isn’t a step backward—it’s a step forward.
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Learn and educate yourself if you lack any important skills needed to bring about change. People are always learning, and this is doubly true when they’re trying to break out of their rut. Learning doesn’t have to be painful, nor does it have to be boring. You can also learn by example—find someone who will be a source of inspiration for you. Choose a path that works for you.
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Look for opportunities to practice. As soon as you find yourself in a situation where you repeatedly fail, pause for a moment. Realize that this is precisely the moment when you have the opportunity to start doing things differently. Take advantage of it.
How can this work in practice?
Petr has been having long-standing problems with a coworker and wants to change that. How should he proceed to achieve lasting change?
Step 1, Identification: “My relationship with my coworker is bad because I’m too confrontational and react gruffly to his ideas”. What change does he want to pursue: “I want to be kinder to my coworker, more open to his ideas, and build a friendly relationship”.
Step 2, Recognizing Feelings: “I long for a good atmosphere in the workplace. I like the idea of there being less tension between us. At the same time, however, I’m afraid he won’t accept my friendly gestures and will interpret them as insincere. I can’t win his trust anymore”. Eliminating Negativity: “There’s nothing wrong with being friendly. I don’t have to be a completely different person overnight. If my colleague misinterprets my friendliness, that’s ultimately his loss.”.
Step 3, Visualization: “There’s a pleasant atmosphere at the company meeting… We’re enjoying our lunch break and laughing about past petty issues. We play floorball together. Our work team is achieving better results.”.
Step 4, Gathering Information: Countless self-help books focus on workplace relationships. Petr can ask his friends if they’ve been through a similar situation and how they handled it. Petr can improve his mood through meditation or exercise. How about trying an evening run? Or maybe he just needs to get to know his colleague better.
Step 5: Seizing the Opportunity: Petr decides to take action. He already knows the steps from self-help books, so he puts the theory into practice every day. At first, things might be a little “awkward,” and his colleague is skeptical. But Petr keeps practicing kindness, tries to get to know his colleague better, and they even go out for a beer together. The atmosphere in the team becomes more relaxed, and Petr receives important feedback on his efforts—the effort he put into changing wasn’t in vain, and he now feels much better, which further deepens his positive behavioral change.
In Conclusion
Now it may be clear why our New Year’s resolutions often end in failure. Achieving a change in personality requires much more than just wanting to. Perhaps one more piece of advice to wrap things up: share. Because, as they say, the joy of adventure and success is doubled when shared.
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